prozac seems to be working
thank god. if he fucking exists. nevermind. THANK SCIENCE and the scientists who invented this shit. otherwise i’d be a goner. definitely not 100% ok yet but significantly better. yeehaw.
so it’s NOT my boyfriend causing my depression. He was NOT being emotionally abusive. I was irritable because of my depression, was too ashamed to tell him, and it all went to shit from there. Now things are much better. He understands why I was the way I was and why I would have considered his “reactions” as “abusive” so we’re working things out. Let’s...
Ok I'm fucking depressed again
Started prozac 10mg, like 3 days ago, it’s gona increase and they’re adding some other stuff to it + therapy. Great. Might as well start up this fucking blog again. I’m pretty sure it’s because the person who I thought was the “love of my life” is emotionally abusing me and I’m prone as fuck to depression because my brain sucks. Before all this...
Reblog if it's 100% okay to vent to you.
When you recover… going through your old blog is so strange. This is such a weird feeling right now. I can’t believe I allowed my ex to make me feel so shitty. I can’t believe I stayed with him that long. I can’t believe the confidence I lacked. It’s all back now. Oh and that friend I had anxiety about that day? He’s the love of my life now. So yeah just an...
I’d like to share with everyone that I’m off my meds and totally fine now. Battling depression for a good … my entire life… on and off, finally got help for it a year and a half ago, and now I’m 100% fine! If I could beat depression, you guys can too. I was at such a low point. I want to seriously stress that diet helps - go on a gluten free diet for a week, see how...
I really haven’t been updating this page much. To be completely honest it’s because I really am getting better, and I neTRUEed to stay as far away from this blog as possible because this is a negative thing for me. This blog was created so I could vent, talk about what was on my mind, and empathize with people feeling the same way as me. Ever since I have been getting better I have...
hmm COULD THIS BE WORKING?
I went gluten free a few weeks ago… and I don’t feel as miserable… could there be a connection? I googled it and apaprently there IS a connection… If this is the case I will never touch gluten again. I still have my off days but I’m amazed at how great I feel in general… wow I don’t want to speak too soon either but could it be almost over??
I haven't posted in a while
Sorry didn’t mean to scare anyone… I just had nothing to say really. I’ve been getting a lot better which I thought would never happen :) I just didn’t want to remind myself or something? To be honest for a while I totally forgot about this blog and then today I was like “oh yeah!” I don’t want to say I’m totally better I still have my days…...
Back in a downward spiral
I’ve been very suicidal lately. Ugh. Starting to wonder if I’ll EVER get better. At this rate…
It's been almost 2 months
I’m 2 weeks shy of 2 months of being on effexor I was expecting to feel much better Ugh
I should be in a good mood today. It’s sunny, I went on a date with a cute boy last night, and I dunno I have no reason to be sad! But I’m not in a good mood. I’m questioning the point of everything. I saw a car accident today and thought “fuck, I wish that was me in the middle of that and dead and hopefully not someone else”. This fucking blows.
Oh wait i just want to rant about one more thing
for those of you who don’t know- I’ve been depressed on and off my whole life really. It just re-started in october of ‘10 and I didn’t see my doctor till about May of ‘11. I had been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half at this point and he knew about my depresison. I’ve been on meds since may. My depression got worse and better and worse and better...
ok well that's good
my one friend didn’t cancel on me she just got off work now i guess i have a reason to stop crying and get off this fucking couch before my mind wanders any more
I feel like i need to go out
when i’m at home like this I just think and think and think and think and think…
my dog is amazing...
He has also helped me a lot. Tonight I’ve realy been thinking about how much I fail at life and everything and how I just shouldn’t be around… But I think that as long as my dog and my mother are around I couldn’t do that to them. They’re the only two who would care. I can’t immagine the thought of my mom sitting with my dog depressed as hell that I’m...
I'm having a stupid worried feeling
About one of my best friends. I absolutely love him. I feel like I’ve been annoying him though so I don’t want to text him but I just want to know he is okay. I dunno. I’m seeing him tomorrow so we’ll see what happens. Hopefully nothing happened and it’s just my anxiety acting up after realizing how much he really means to me. We’ll never become anything...
I lost weight
Ever since 2 saturdays ago… when I almost took my own life… I haven’t been eating properly. I’m only 110 lbs to begin with and everyone’s been saying I look thinner. Bleh.
well today's been a huge downer
I was supposed to go out with my friends. It’s 10pm and I’m still home. Nevermind I guess. I’ve just been feeling generally sad today. I pissed my friend off because I didn’t tell her something I should’ve told her because my ex threatened to break up with me if I told her. Well I broke up with him anyway and I decided to come clean and let her know that I knew....
I guess I don't understand "normal" minded people
I went out with my friends last night and we were talking about the end of the world. My first instinct was “ok well then I’d just kill myself what’s the point?” my friend’s boyfriend argued with me and said “don’t you have an instinct to survive? I’d be a freaking cannibal!I don’t give a shit about anyone else I’d do whatever I can do...
although dumping my boyfriend was GREAT
and I feel MUCH better now that he’s out of my life… I’m still depressed. Not quite as suicidal which is great, but I’m more numb than anything. Mehh we’ll see what happens
My ex boyfriend told my ex best friend about my depression. When I thought the betrayal couldn’t get worse it did. However, on a positive note, I kindof don’t really care. That must mean I’m getting better. Or number. One of the two. Whichever it is, it’s better than being suicidal.
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal?
Take it seriously. Myth: The people who talk about it don’t do it. Studies have found that more than 75% of all completed suicides did things in the few weeks or months prior to their deaths to indicate to others that they were in deep despair. Anyone expressing suicidal feelings needs immediate attention. Myth: Anyone who tries to kill himself has got to be crazy. Perhaps 10% of all...
I needed last night
My friend literally had to force me to go out last night. I was feeling so shitty, lying in my bed, wanting to die, over shit that doesn’t even MATTER. I had a few lot to drink and ended up making out with some guy and giving him my number. He was hot, my sober friend said so, I’ll check the pictures later lol. I’m definitely not planning on dating any guys for a long time but...
my friend called me he made me feel a bit better he’s also forcing me to go out to a club tonight maybe some heavy drinking and getting hit on will boost my confidence a bit
i don't think i've felt this bad
i’m actually considering driving myself to a suicide crisis center once i stop shaking
And just like that the confidence is DEAD
I looked at my ex boyfriend’s blog… and this is what I found “I also broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year and a half. She didn’t see my side of things and insulted me. I just wanted the best for her and knew I wasn’t helping with her condition so I wanted to talk things over and sort of take a break from things. My mental health was beginning to take a turn for the...
Confidence is coming back
I needed a day to take in what he said to me. I’m not upset that I broke up with him, trust me, it’s beneficial to my mental health not to have someone like him in my life. The reason I was so upset is because of the series of things he said to me: “Yeah actually your depression WAS an inconvenience for me!” “I understand you’re unhappy with your life but we...
I took 2 sleeping pills and I’m not even tired. I can’t stop crying. I want the hurt to go away.
I have to wake up at 6 am for work and it’s almost midnight. I can’t fuck up at this job. It’s a new job. I really like it. It’s the only thing going okay in my life. I’m going to be so tired and probably still crying tomorrow I hope they don’t fire me. I need to keep this job. I feel like shit. I can’t stop crying. That one comment just keeps playing...
I feel so worthless right now
To actually be told that your illness is an inconvenience by someone you love is a slap in the face. It makes me feel like my existence is nothing. I know I absolutely did the right thing by ending things with my boyfriend. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. But to be TOLD something that HURTFUL is just… an awful feeling. It makes me want to just not wake up tomorrow morning.
He also admitted that my depression was an “inconvenience”. Fuck you.
WOW good news
Today I woke up in a surpisingly empowered and good mood. I’ve been thinking all day, I’m a good person. I’m trustworthy, loyal, awesome, and deserve to be loved. If my boyfriend can’t make me feel like that, there’s no reason to be with him. Although I’m not 100% myself right now with this depression, I was able to figure that one out. Thank you, effexor. I...
My boyfriend thinks I’m a sweetheart for keeping everything to myself now so it doesn’t make him upset. wow.
Are you fucking kidding me
I went to the beach today with friends and my boyfriend. I felt like crap and was quiet. My friend noticed. My bf never asked me what was wrong. Now we’re all home and what does he say? “You looked hot today come rape me” How. Fucking. Clueless. Can. You. Get.
K my ask box is on! My bad!
I don't know what to do about my boyfriend
Yesterday I was extremely suicidal. I didn’t do anything though, and I’m ok today. It was just a really bad day as several bad things happen. I expected my boyfriend to ask me if I was okay today. Nope. He also never wants to hear me complain because he doesn’t like it. Meanwhile when he complains about a headache or something going badly in his life, he gets mad at me if I...
Never wanted to cease to exist this badly.
Feeling very low
So someone showed my ex boss a status I wrote about him. He emailed me and guilt tripped me. I know it doesn’t matter but now I hate myself even more. This has set me back a lot. I feel like shit.
I don’t open up to you about anything for 48 hours and now you like me again. I guess people really only do care when it’s too late.
I love you so fucking much and you’re acting like you hate me.
The sad moment when you realise how alone you...
fragilelovelust: thats pretty accurate now.
Work was good
Then I got home and realized my boyfriend still doesn’t care. He probably won’t start caring unless something drastic were to happen. I’m sorry but life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. You can’t just avoid the bad all the time.
In such a shitty mood
I think I’m really devastated knowing no one cares about my depression. If I was dead would they care? Is that when they’d want to talk? When it’s too late? I have to leave for work soon. I really like my new job. It’s my second week in and I don’t want to feel like this. I want to do a good job. I want people there to think I’m normal. So far I haven’t...
You can be abused by your parents. You can be...