Anonymous Depression Blog

Photo

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 21:40:46 -0400

prozac seems to be working

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 21:39:25 -0400

thank god. if he fucking exists. nevermind. THANK SCIENCE and the scientists who invented this shit. otherwise i’d be a goner. definitely not 100% ok yet but significantly better.

yeehaw.

ok

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 21:27:13 -0400

so it’s NOT my boyfriend causing my depression. He was NOT being emotionally abusive. I was irritable because of my depression, was too ashamed to tell him, and it all went to shit from there.

Now things are much better. He understands why I was the way I was and why I would have considered his “reactions” as “abusive” so we’re working things out.

Let’s see if I can kick depression to the curb for a 30th time lol.

gonna-be-everything: Sometimes I wonder..

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 02:06:03 -0400

gonna-be-everything:

Sometimes I wonder..

Ok I'm fucking depressed again

Sat, 08 Sep 2012 01:58:48 -0400

Started prozac 10mg, like 3 days ago, it’s gona increase and they’re adding some other stuff to it + therapy. Great.

Might as well start up this fucking blog again.

I’m pretty sure it’s because the person who I thought was the “love of my life” is emotionally abusing me and I’m prone as fuck to depression because my brain sucks.

Before all this depression shit I used to just get OUT of shitty relationships immediately. Now that I’m older and more depressed it’s like “fuck what if I never get married?” which i know is insane because I’m 24, petite, have a decent face, and am a good person so someone is bound to want to marry me some day BUT FOR FUCK’S SAKE. IM GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN?

Here we fucking go again. At least this time I KNOW there’s a way out and I DON’T have to feel like this all the time. There IS hope. I’ll post stories of how my bf is a jerk shortly.

Unfuckingbelievable.

Reblog if it's 100% okay to vent to you.

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 23:06:33 -0400

wow

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 22:28:03 -0400

When you recover… going through your old blog is so strange.

This is such a weird feeling right now.

I can’t believe I allowed my ex to make me feel so shitty. I can’t believe I stayed with him that long. I can’t believe the confidence I lacked.

It’s all back now.

Oh and that friend I had anxiety about that day? He’s the love of my life now.

So yeah just an update after I read a lot of my old posts lol.

IT GETS BETTER SERIOUSLY.

Just read my blog where I was back then, a year ago, and where I am today! It’s worth it. Keep up with your meds, cut out toxic people, change your diet, exercise. It didn’t take one day for depression to take over your life, you weren’t “fine” one day and suicidal the next, it took a period of time. Whether it was a slow chemical imbalance, slow mental abuse, etc, it didnt take one day to completely consume your life. IT ALSO IS NOT GOING TO TAKE ONE DAY FOR IT TO GO AWAY. so please, keep at it. If you ever feel like you can’t just read my posts from last year, and read my new posts from today.

IT GETS BETTER.

I wish I saw some accounts of people who felt better after depression. I WISH. So that’s why as much as I want to forget that I had depression, I am not deleting anything. I want everyone who is feeling how I felt to be able to see that yes, I was there, and yes I am here now.

TOOK A FUCKING YEAR. DON’T LOSE PATIENCE JUST KEEP IT UP

Hello

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 22:16:00 -0400

I’d like to share with everyone that I’m off my meds and totally fine now. Battling depression for a good … my entire life… on and off, finally got help for it a year and a half ago, and now I’m 100% fine!

If I could beat depression, you guys can too. I was at such a low point.

I want to seriously stress that diet helps - go on a gluten free diet for a week, see how you feel.

I think gluten has something to do with depression. I learned I’m severely gluten intolerant now, maybe that is what was causing the depression? Who cares, the point is, DO IT. IT MIGHT SAVE YOUR LIFE.

I don’t care how low you feel right now, one day you will feel better, you will amount to something, you probably already are something but you don’t realize it yet!

I’ll try to update this blog more.

I'm sorry

Sun, 04 Dec 2011 21:56:52 -0500

I really haven’t been updating this page much.

To be completely honest it’s because I really am getting better, and I neTRUEed to stay as far away from this blog as possible because this is a negative thing for me. This blog was created so I could vent, talk about what was on my mind, and empathize with people feeling the same way as me. Ever since I have been getting better I have been trying to shy away from updating and even checking it so much for fear of getting back to that suicidal thinking.

It just occurred to me that it’s not fair to the people following me. I need to be there for you guys and let you guys know there’s hope. You can feel better. Just stick to your meds, change your diet if you have to (going gluten free worked for me!), and do whatever the hell you have to do to feel better. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

Currently I’m not 100%”happy”. I still don’t knwo what TRUE happiness feels like but I’m confident I will get there. I’m pretty “neutral” if that makes any sense. So I’m not as depressed as I was a few months ago but I’m not happy, I’m somewhere in between. Whatever, I’ll take it. I don’t want to kill myself anymore which is a good enough feeling for me to want to go on and try to keep getting better because I know that at least mediocrity is attainable.

I’m still on 75mg of Effexor every day, and changing my diet to a strict gluten free diet has SERIOUSLY helped so much. I’m not one to say that this will help you but what do you have to lose by trying it for a week? My doctor still thinks I need to be on my meds until at least the spring/summer because the shitty weather right now can mess me up again but we’ll see what happens. My goal is to start weaning off the meds by March… we’ll see what happens.

So yeah I don’t know how to end this off. I’ll try to update at least once every few weeks.

Looking back on my old posts I can’t believe that was me… It’s realy blown my mind… which is also why I’ve been staying away from this because it does scare me quite a bit.

hmm COULD THIS BE WORKING?

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 20:37:10 -0400

I went gluten free a few weeks ago… and I don’t feel as miserable… could there be a connection?

I googled it and apaprently there IS a connection… If this is the case I will never touch gluten again.

I still have my off days but I’m amazed at how great I feel in general…

wow

I don’t want to speak too soon either but could it be almost over??

I haven't posted in a while

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 21:45:03 -0400

Sorry didn’t mean to scare anyone… I just had nothing to say really. I’ve been getting a lot better which I thought would never happen :) I just didn’t want to remind myself or something? To be honest for a while I totally forgot about this blog and then today I was like “oh yeah!”

I don’t want to say I’m totally better I still have my days… but now it’s like, less suicidal thoughts which is awesome.

I’m gonna look through this blog to see how far I’ve come

Back in a downward spiral

Wed, 17 Aug 2011 18:54:31 -0400

I’ve been very suicidal lately.

Ugh.

Starting to wonder if I’ll EVER get better. At this rate…

It's been almost 2 months

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 18:16:01 -0400

I’m 2 weeks shy of 2 months of being on effexor

I was expecting to feel much better

Ugh

Bleh

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 13:47:19 -0400

I should be in a good mood today. It’s sunny, I went on a date with a cute boy last night, and I dunno I have no reason to be sad! But I’m not in a good mood. I’m questioning the point of everything.

I saw a car accident today and thought “fuck, I wish that was me in the middle of that and dead and hopefully not someone else”.

This fucking blows.

Oh wait i just want to rant about one more thing

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:27:25 -0400

for those of you who don’t know- I’ve been depressed on and off my whole life really. It just re-started in october of ‘10 and I didn’t see my doctor till about May of ‘11. I had been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half at this point and he knew about my depresison.

I’ve been on meds since may.

My depression got worse and better and worse and better and I began to confide in my boyfriend.

He didn’t seem to care. I decided I needed to break up with him because I didn’t need to stress out about him as him not caring really did not help my situation.

I broke up with him 2 weeks ago.

He’s telling people he broke up with me. yeah that’s why he tried to kiss me when he came into my car that day and I had to tell him no? Whatever helps you sleep asshole.

Anyway now that I think of it doesn’t that make you MORE of a fucking douchebag?

if he thinks he broke up with me… his reasoning for it is my depression… which makes him a selfish pig who doesn’t wanna stick around when shit hits the fan.

So whatever he wants to think is fine. Point is I dumped him because he was unsupportive. He thinks he dumped me because my issues were too much for him.

He never asked me how I was doing or gave me a hug or anything.

He’s such a piece of shit.

After this rant I’m done ranting about him.

ok well that's good

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:22:36 -0400

my one friend didn’t cancel on me she just got off work now

i guess i have a reason to stop crying and get off this fucking couch before my mind wanders any more

I feel like i need to go out

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:10:31 -0400

when i’m at home like this I just think and think and think and think and think…

my dog is amazing...

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:07:15 -0400

He has also helped me a lot.

Tonight I’ve realy been thinking about how much I fail at life and everything and how I just shouldn’t be around…

But I think that as long as my dog and my mother are around I couldn’t do that to them. They’re the only two who would care.

I can’t immagine the thought of my mom sitting with my dog depressed as hell that I’m gone.

My mom bawling her eyes out wondering if there was something she could have done differently while my dog cries with her.

That was an image that really made me think that I should refrain from harming myself at this point.

As long as they’re around I will do what I can in my power to stay alive.

I'm having a stupid worried feeling

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:01:56 -0400

About one of my best friends. I absolutely love him. I feel like I’ve been annoying him though so I don’t want to text him but I just want to know he is okay.

I dunno.

I’m seeing him tomorrow so we’ll see what happens. Hopefully nothing happened and it’s just my anxiety acting up after realizing how much he really means to me.

We’ll never become anything though. He knows too much about me. And I’m ok with that. I just hope to have him in my life as a friend forever.

I can’t thank him enough for all he’s done for me.

I lost weight

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 21:58:56 -0400

Ever since 2 saturdays ago… when I almost took my own life… I haven’t been eating properly.

I’m only 110 lbs to begin with and everyone’s been saying I look thinner.

Bleh.